"Chemo Brain"

That’s the name my nurse Kristi gives to my present state of mind and physician condition. I’m stuck in a place that isn’t much fun and might be here a while. The good news is, it’ll all be behind me soon.

More Penny drama. Sorry, but it’s how I feel. This is about being honest and sharing what’s really going one. I need to keep track of everything and find a way to preserve it, because I don’t ever want to forget this. No way.

I want to remember everything—I don’t plan to keep living with it—but I want to remember what it was like so I can package it up when the time is right and put it away. I don’t want to forget it completely.

So, let’s talk about Chemo Brain. Apparently this is very real and very normal. Disconnected, out of control, no focus. Tired, extremely so. My case of Chemo Brain is being exacerbated by Decadron, one of my anti-nausea drugs. That little gem carries side effects that include (among others) insomnia, muscle weakness, and irritability. While I don’t think I’ve been particularly irritable (Dave? PJ?), I feel a little depressed. Nothing I’m alarmed about, but certainly not mentally sharp. Decadron will do that too, make you happy or take you down.

So, it’s all normal. It’s all good.

I spent part of the morning at the oncology center getting checked out top to bottom (blood pressure was 121 over 65… that was good). My doctor wasn’t on today, I saw another, who took notes furiously, asked a lot of questions, and pronounced me as fit as is possible for this point in treatment.

The third treatment can be particularly difficult, she said. Chemotherapy’s effects are cumulative, so it’s not unusual for the week after #3 to be marked with exactly my symptoms and complaints. And as crappy as I feel, it’s good to know it’s OK to feel this way.

She added that it’s likely to continue and hang on with me through the week following #4 (next Friday, a week from tomorrow). That means this might go on through Thanksgiving week. And that’s OK too, as long as I know this is normal and to be expected, I can handle it.

Imagine how good it’s going to be when it’s over!