Did you miss me?

I’m back. I took a bit of a break over the last week. The pressure of the holidays is always a little intense, and I have to admit that for the most part, I’m glad they’re over. There are highlights, of course, one of which is a special sweatshirt from The Pretty Girl to her Mum. And then there’s work. That’s a whole other set of pressures.


Let’s see, what’s new? I’ve finished 12 of 33 radiation sessions. So far, so good, not much to mention. I’m beginning to notice some skin irritation but it’s manageable with the burn cream provided by the center and 100% aloe gel.

And my hair is growing! It’s a slow process and it will be months before there’s enough to push out of my eyes, but it’s growing. Looks gray, or salt-and-pepper at best. Imagine that! I’ll post pictures when there’s a little more to see.

I think (hope!) that my breast cancer sally is moving from being the major player in my life to a supporting role. Radiation will continue until about January 25. I have an appointment with my oncologist on January 22, presumably to discuss and establish my drug therapy plan (five years of an estrogen-inhibiting drug).

I won’t stop writing this blog, I just won’t put so much emphasis on my cancer. I plan to publish it into a book and have already found a company that will allow me to self-publish. I’m very excited about that. And there’s plenty more to discuss—good books and movies, presidential politics, Boston sport teams (how ‘bout them 16-0 Patriots, huh?)

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It's almost Christmas

I'm sending you all a cyber-hug and wishes for a wonderful holiday with the people you love. This can be a very difficult time of year and sometimes it's hard to find reasons to be thankful and grateful, particularly when facing the loss of someone you love or tough times for whatever the reason. In your own way, each of you has touched my life over the last six months, and with luck we'll continue to walk together for a long, long time to come.

Merry Christmas. God bless us every one.

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Who reads this blog?

We have a counter on the blog that shows us where readers are located. Here’s a recap of the last 100 visits:


California: Chico and Desert Hot Springs
Florida: Lake Mary
Maine: Edgecomb and Wiscasset
Massachusetts: Boston, Boxford, Easthampton, Haverhill, Lawrence, Lexington, Lynnfield, Marblehead, North Andover, Reading, Rowley, Taunton, and Woburn
New Hampshire: Concord, Lyndeborough, North Salem, and Suncook
New York: Schenectady
Pennsylvania: Schnecksville
Virginia: Mechanicsville
Wisconsin: Madison

And from outside the U.S.:
Devonport, Tasmania, Australia
Carouge, Geneve, Switzerland
Salisbury, Wiltshire, United Kingdom

Pretty cool, huh?

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Radiation photos

As promised, finally, here are some pics of the radiation machine.


I’m not quite sure how to describe everything (what, me at a loss for words? HA!) That round section that’s above the table—the radiation beam is delivered from the section. Now look at the second picture.



This shows you the underside of that round section, what I see when I look up at it. See the two rows of thin grey bars that meet in the middle? They’re like two bar graphs, and those individual thin bars separate to make specifically-shaped images so the radiation beam can be targeted to deliver the good exactly where they need to go,

In this shot, the image “hole” looks a little like an anvil (yes it does…!) Another of my images looks like the state of Vermont, and a third one looks like a sea horse. Hey, when you’re on your back getting radiated, your mind goes to strange places!



That round head rotates around the table to deliver from a variety of angles (the third picture shows the machine rotated 90+ degrees to one side. I get hit with seven different blasts from three different directions: one straight down with the head directly above me; from the left at about the number 10 on the clock, and from far down on my right (I can’t see how far down because I have my head turned to the left). Those left and right shots are more targeted to the area where the cancer was found; the overhead hit delivers to the entire breast.

This third pic also shows the table without the drape. My upper body is elevated slightly and my arms and hands are extended over my head and rest in the supports. It’s a very comfortable process and is over in less than 10 minutes.

Any questions????

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The color purple

Stuff they don't tell you about chemotherapy: my purple finger and toenail beds are an indication of dead nails. I can look forward to them peeling and eventually falling away. What fun!

I wondered throughout chemo treatment why my nails continued to be so strong and to grow. Chemo, after all, targets fast-growing cells (cancel cells--we hope, and hair) and I assumed nails would be among the fast-growing population.

They are, but from the point of growth (duh!), which is why it is only in the last few weeks that I've noticed the purple tint to a few nail beds. Now I know the reason.

I'm told to be patient, it will take a few months for the cycle to complete itself. It could be worse, right??

Radiation photos are coming, really. Maybe later tonight.

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Radiation Day 4

Where does the time go? Day Four today, uneventful (except for the male technician... but as the woman who went in ahead of me said, "At this point, all modesty has gone right out the window.") She knows the drill.

No skin reaction yet. Took some photos but I need one of my two "I-know-how-to-download-photos-out-of-the-digital-camera" gurus to get them up here on the blog. Patience, please?

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No radiation today

Snowed out. Took almost 3 hours to go from work (Marblehead) to home; called radiation en route and I was the only one they were waiting for. At that point I was 1 1/2 hours away (minimum), so we cancelled. I'll go tomorrow and we'll add a session on to the end of the cycle.

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I forgot the camera today

It's packed for tomorrow. Pics tomorrow night!

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One down....

... 29 to go! Radiation for real was rather uneventful. Just like simulation, only when the "BEAM ON" light it lit you know it means business.

My course involves nine blasts (one long, one short, machine is repositioned; one long, two short, machine repositioned; two more cycles of one long and one short with a repositioning in between). Duration of the blasts is about eight to 10 seconds for the long, 2 seconds for the short. I think. I'll count tomorrow.

I'll bring the camera tomorrow too and shoot some pics so you can see the machine. It's a little hard to explain how it all happens.

Good skin care is important during radiation. I've already told you I have to use an all natural deodorant. I can't use powders (cornstarch only). I have two different products the radiology teams suggests I use every few hours to keep my skin in good condition. One is Aquaphor (a thick ointment for dry or irritated skin), the other is a burn cream. I've been using the Aquaphor for a few weeks to get my skin ready for the assault. I'll start with the burn cream tonight.

I have to wash everything off four hours before the radiation treatment and go to the treatment "clean." Presently my appointment is at 4 p.m., which means I need to be cleaned up at noon (that includes washing off deodorant).

I asked today if there's a chance I can move my appointment to early morning, and there is an opening at 8:40 a.m. starting on January 3. It makes sense to change to that time as soon as possible because it gives me more time during the day to use products to help protect my skin and help it heal. They say it will be a few weeks before I notice any real symptoms of redness and "sunburn."

So, like I said, pretty unremarkable. The facility is warm and inviting, the staff is friendly and caring. If you have to go through this, it's a great place to be.

Photos to come.

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Radiation simulation complete

OK, I’ve been simulated, it’s time to get radiated. Tonight I wave goodbye to my Degree and bid a reluctant “hey there” to Tom’s of Maine. (Did I say all of this once before? It sounds familiar. Ah, get over it, Penny.)

So simulation was rather uneventful. Apparently the measurements taken the last time were all OK because I really do get to go back and get started tomorrow. I didn’t take a good look at the machine today; I’ll do that tomorrow and give you a complete report.

BTW, I made the “Letters to the Editor” column in the most recent issue of the “AARP” magazine (January/February 2008 issue with Caroline Kennedy on the cover). I’d written in response to an article in the last issue that listed reasons why women don’t get mammograms. For those of you who didn’t bother to read the letters (and to the rest of you too young to receive this fine publication), here’s a reprint:

‘Your article on why women are avoiding mammograms [Navigator Health, “What’s Your Excuse?”] worried me immensely. I’m the midst of chemotherapy for breast cancer and because I never miss a mammogram, my cancer was caught early. Women, please, schedule an appointment today, and tell someone you love to do the same.’

Signed with my name and home town. Pretty cool to be published nationally.

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Last day before radiation

Well, sort of. Tomorrow (Monday) is my simulation day. They'll use the tests and calculations done/made a few weeks ago and do a "dry run" to make sure the machine is set properly. The fun really starts on Tuesday.

I had more energy today than I've had in a long time. I went to IKEA and knocked off the majority of the holiday shopping, then did the food shopping, and now I'm working on my second load of laundry. Feels good, and I'll take it while I can get it.

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And then there was today

I feel like I got dragged around on my ass today. I'm so tired, it's an effort to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.

Just goes to show that there are no promises or guarantees, and that every day is different. I'm hold on to hopes I can do the holiday shopping on Sunday--it feels like the only chance I'll have to get it done. If I don't, everyone gets an IOU in a card!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I read a story in today's Eagle-Tribune about a 15-year old young man from Haverhill (MA) who died Wednesday of acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Andrew Gmelch Jr., sounds like he was a remarkable young man who maintained an optimistic outlook and his smile. The story absolutely broke my heart. I hope you have room in your heart for a prayer for Andrew and his family.

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Moving right along

I continue to move in a forward direction and with some sense of control. It feels good, really.

I feel like it's OK to plan ahead a little--think about the weekend and all that needs to be done in anticipation of Christmas. Radiation starts on Monday, so I feel like Sunday will be a "must shop" day. I've done very little shopping, haven't given much thought to decorating (except to think that maybe, with a new cat in the house, that we may be smarter to pass on a Christmas tree). I did manage to send out holiday cards and letters (my mother's holiday card this year takes the award for the funniest, hands down--if you got one, you understand!)

So, until Monday gets here, there isn't much to share. But believe me, when the action starts again, you'll be the first to know.

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How long have you waited to read this...?

I feel really good today! More energy than I've had in a long time, good focus, managed to juggle a couple of problems at work and wasn't daunted by the challenges. Is it possible that more good days are just ahead?

Dave and I went out for dinner (our usually and customary Tuesday Night Date Night) at the 99 in Wilmington, where Paul the bartender made me the finest Grey Goose Dirty Vodka Martini I've ever had.

Will the good time continue? Time will tell. It's sure to go downhill with radiation. I have to remember to take things one day at a time. My friend Diane (herself a BC badge holder--I hate the term "survivor," even though to this point we have survived) reminded me recently that I'd dropped an atomic bomb in my system. Interesting choice of words and it really made me stop and think.

She's right. I've been describing it as feeling like a 55-gallon drum on toxic waste. Atomic bomb sounds so much more appropriate.

On another matter, my beautiful PJ celebrated her 24th birthday yesterday. I don't know how she got to be 24. I certainly haven't aged these lase 24 years.

So that got me to thinking: what are some necessary skills one should have by age 24? I invite you to add to the following list:
* drive a standard-shift vehicle
* handle a church key
* run the washer and dryer without overloading either
* polish your resume and go on a killer interview

What have you go to add?

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So tired of being tired

Went food shopping yesterday and then spent almost the entire afternoon snoozing under my favorite blanket. How tired is it acceptable to be at this point in recovery?

I wish I knew the answer to the question. I was there was a map with target points spelled out so you'd know what is normal and what isn't. I hate complaining, really I do, and I can't imagine it's any fun for you to keep reading my complaints. I wish someone before me had done a blog that could have read so I'd know if where I find myself is when I ought to be. I guess that's part of the reason I'm doing this, so the next person will have some idea of that to expect. God, I hope there isn't a "next" but I can't promise myself there won't be.

Tomorrow is PJ's 24th birthday. (24??? How the hell did that happen!!) I went shopping this morning at Target and picked up some things I'm sure she can't possibly live without (but I'm holding onto the sales receipt, just in case!) She's so easy to please, and is more than content with promises that we'll go out and get something that she really wants. I'd rather have things for her to open and then go along on the exchange trip.

You'll notice that I changed the color of the type on these last two grafs. That's another thing I'm stealing from my friend Tanya's blog. She posts her breast cancer-related comments in pink and everything else in white. So as not to copy her directly, I'll put the non-cancer stuff in another color. That way, you can see right away whether I'm yakking about BC or life in general, and govern yourself accordingly. Hopefully you'll read everything.

Sooner or later I'm going to run out of BC news and updates. With luck.

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Time for a haircut

That's what I read when I opened my e-mail this morning--I had one of those periodic announcements from SuperCuts, letting me know that sufficient time has passed (according to their calculations), and it's time for me to come in for a cut.

I should print out the announcement, complete with the accompanying $1 coupon, and drive right on up to the local shop. I wonder what they can do to improve upon my current state of nothingness! Hey, with luck I'll get a $2 coupon on my first someday-down-the-road haircut.

I really can't wait to get my hair cut. Seriously, I can't wait to have that choice--to cut it or not. I continue my obsession with hair, I'm constantly looking at the way people wear their hair, the care they show their hair (usually not much), and what their hair styles tell me about them.

It's probably a sad mind game I play with myself, but it beats brooding about it. I've gotten over being sad about my hair loss. The only thing that's troublesome about it now is how cold I am without hair. That's probably a great reason to pull out the wig; but that's a whole different hair trauma.

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