How to complain and get away with it

You might not need a lesson, but there's an art to complaining and walking away feeling like you've been heard, listened to, and respected for voicing your concerns.

Today I expressed a series of complaints about the way I've been treated--or not treated as the case may be--by a number of people who work for one of my doctors. The problems surround communication (the lack of it, and some of it unprofessional in nature), and the less that full attention that was given to an important request. At no time was my health in jeopardy. So, nothing dramatic, just irritating.

I think I have a pretty long fuse. I'm prone to giving an inch and letting someone take a yard (don't hold back if you disagree). But over these three incidents, I'd had enough by the time this morning rolled around, and when I arrived at the doctor's office I was ready to tango.

I asked to speak to someone with a bit of authority. Dave and I were ushered into a private office and I put my concerns on the table. Within a few moments my comments were being turned into action points. The person we talked to agreed that some changes need to be made and she thanked me for bringing it all to her attention.

I moved on to my medical appointment and spoke briefly about it to the doctor (so she would be aware of my concerns). Before I left the building I found the person I spoke to originally reviewing my concerns with the office manager.

I have every confidence that they will take a good look at processes and procedures and do some fine-tuning to make things better.

I knew I needed to say something, even if just to make myself feel better. Speaking up is never a bad thing, as long as you do it the right way. The trick to speaking up in cases like this is to create an opportunity for someone to take up your cause and make some changes.

So, here is the lesson for the day:

If you're going to complain, do so about issues that management can change. Don't just run off at the mouth for the sake of hearing your own voice. Make a list of your complaints so you are sure to hit every point.

Ask to speak to someone in authority. Let them know you have matters of concern that you'd like to discuss and ask if this is the right time and place to have a conversation.

Keep a normal tone of voice and maintaining a level, calm tone throughout the discussion.

Don't accuse anyone of anything unless you have solid, irrefutable proof.

Rather than accuse, let the person you are talking to know what you are concerned about.

If you can, acknowledge that staff is busy and obviously juggling a lot of responsibilities. If possible, say that they are generally helpful, professional, or whatever (but don't gush, pick one trait you can compliment).

Acknowledge that this may be an isolated incident, but it happened to you and that you hope it doesn't happen again.

Don't ask for action. You should haven't to ask for anything at this point. With luck, the person you are talking to has already apologized and promised to look into the matter.

Making a complaint doesn't have to be about nailing someone's ass to the wall or causing someone to lose their job. It should be about making a situation better for the next time you or another customer-patient-person walks through the door.

Remember: The person who ticks you off may be having a terrible day. Maybe their dog died. Maybe they drove over a curb and blew out a tire on the way to work. Maybe the school principal called and their kid is being expelled. You have no idea.

Keep your cool. It works. You'll feel good about standing up for yourself and behaving like an adult when what you really wanted to do was throttle someone.

Then celebrate! I'm having a Blueberry Ale. It's wicked yummy.

Here endeth the lesson.