Finding my voice

The phone rang. Someone asked me to do something and I said "No." She persisted, I said "No" again, and she kept at it. I said "No" a third time and politely hung up on her.

I am SO proud of myself on a number of levels. For going with my first instinct, which was to say "No." For sticking with it and not giving in. I'm prone to giving in, or rather, for saying "Yes" when I really don't want to.

So here's the story.

A woman called from the American Cancer Society and asked me to take part in the "Notes to Neighbors" campaign. The ACS provides you with names and address of 20 of your neighbors. They give you all the literature, the "please donate" letters, 20 mailing envelopes and 20 more envelopes that you address back to yourself (so the neighbors can mail you their donations).

You sign the letters, address the large envelopes, put your address on the smaller ones, put stamps on all 40 envelopes, mail the 20 packages, sit back and wait for the donations to come in, and mail those to the ACS.

Pretty simple. A small investment (40 stamps times what is it these days... 41 or 42 cents each, plus a few more to mail in the donations, and a little time).

So, why did I say "No" you ask? BECAUSE I JUST DID IT A FEW MONTHS AGO.

Back to the phone call.

She asked me to participate. I said some like "Gee, didn't I just do this?" She agreed that I did and said the ACS does this twice a year. I told her no, I didn't want to ask the neighbors again quite so soon and offered to do it in six months.

She pushed on through her script and told me that it's an important effort and that they really need my help. I said I was sorry, but I can't help at the time.

She turned to the page in her script that tells her what to say when she'd been told "No" twice."

"Mrs. Richards, the American Cancer Society depends on volunteers like yourself to..." And I cut her off.

I responded.

"I know the American Cancer Society depends on volunteers like me. You depend on cancer patients like me. Within weeks of my diagnosis you were contacting me to volunteer and make donations and you haven't stopped asking. I explained that I will not ask my neighbors again, so soon, to make another donation. We are all asked to donate to causes constantly. I cannot help you at this time. Thanks so much for calling." And I hung up the phone.

And I felt really good about the way I handled it. I didn't want to do it, for reasons that are important to me, and I said "no" and hung in there.

Now, if the way I handled the request bothers you, you have a couple of options. You can take your checkbook or your credit card and make a donation to the ACS. You can call them and become a "Notes to Neighbors" volunteer.

I try to make it a practice not to ask other people to donate to a cause. I respect your causes and support your right to support them. I can't give to every one of everyones' special causes, and for that very reason, I don't push mine on them.

Everyone has a hand out. There are endless requests for money and I don't have enough to do all the things I'd like do. When it comes to breast cancer alone, there are plenty of opportunities to help, whether it's the Susan G. Koman Foundation, Relay for Life events, three-day walks, and more pink ribbons on more products from grapefruit to cereal to soda.

There's an ad in this week's TIME magazine. The LEE Jeans company wants us all to wear jeans on October 3 and donate $5 to "help someone you love fight breast cancer." Check out their sight at deminday.com, but only if you wish. I'm not asking you to participate. (Click the link if only to learn how to fold a dollar bill into the shape of a heart. It's kinda cool.)

It's all about choices. You have yours and I have mine. When they match, it's nice. When they don't, it's about respecting our differences.

P.S. There is not doubt that I benefited from a dollar bill collected by a volunteer somewhere back in time. I'm not ungrateful for all that I've received and been given. And I will continue to help and "pay it forward" in my own way.

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