Benign!

Wonderful news! It's benign! I don't know what I'd have done if the news had been bad.

Biopsy shows pathological scarring, backed up by the mammogram films. Nurse says doc may want to surgically remove that scarring. Not sure what all that means. I'll do some reading and see if I can figure it out. In the mean time. I have an MRI Tuesday as a followup and a date with the doc on July 30 to discuss whatever may be next.

But before then, there's a little celebratory beverage consumption planned for later today.

OK, I gotta go back to work...

{end of post}

Read More......

I am invisible

(Stand by, I'm in a mood...)

Invisible! I must be! What other explanation is there as to why on two occasions, and within moments, people stepped in front of me as I waited my turn at Wal-mart earlier this evening?

First at the photo counter. A chick in a little black dress (and huge earrings that had to be cubic zirconia) waltzed around me to stand next in line to pick up photos. She opened her wallet and started digging through receipts and before offered assistance, announced she was there to pick up her photos. Duh. When I lifted my arms as if to say "Huh?" to the clerk, the clerk asked if she could assist me. The chick in the black dress looked over her shoulder and gave me the "Who the f%$# are YOU looking at?" look. I got my photos, politely thanked the nice clerk for first taking care of the person who really was next in line, and went on my way.

Off to the hair accessory aisle to swap something I'd grabbed earlier for something else. There was someone looking through the accessories while blocking the display with her shopping cart. As I waited for her to move, a woman and her daughter blew in, moved the carriage, and proceeded to paw through the merchandise. I was a split second from putting my hand on the woman's shoulder and asking her to wait her turn when I recognized her. She attends my church. Part of me isn't surprised by her rude boldness. She does it well. I hope she reads this.

She and her daughter stood blocking the displays while they debated which item to buy. I finally reached over her head to put back the item I was holding and didn't bother to hang around to find what I wanted. I had all I could to to ignore her husband who stood waiting at the head of the aisle (and looking a tad ignored himself, come to think about it). If I'd spoken it wouldn't have been to say anything polite.

Which leads me to ask myself why I let people who clearly have little to offer by way of gracious behavior (a) treat me that way or (b) push me into such a state of frenzy. None of the irritation is worth the points it scored on my blood pressure reading.

What's better, speaking up when someone is rude, or standing back and allowing them to continue their selfish ways, and worse, instill in their children that it's OK to treat others with so little regard?

There, I feel better already.

{end of post}

Read More......

Fun, fun, fun!

What's the most fun you can have AFTER a breast biopsy? Having a mammogram!

"Why is this necessary?" I asked.

"To document we did the procedure and to give you a new baseline," the nice woman said.

Good reasons. Now we wait for results. Pass me an ice pack.

{end of post}

Read More......

Hot and steamy, and I don't mean me

OMG, it's SO hot and humid and awful outside. How do people live in the tropics? I'd do nothing but be crabby all day.

I'd like to design my own place to live. Put everything I want around me on a huge sliding plate--family and friends, Market Basket and Lucci's, a New Hampshire state liquor store, the gym, the office--(you get the idea), then dial up a new location based on temperature and weather conditions and slide everything around. Need some rain for the plants and grass? Dial it up. Need enough snow to close the office for a day? Return to mid-70's and no humidity the next. Cool enough every evening to sleep under a blanket with the windows open.

Maybe in my next life.

I'm rediscovering the joy of reading books. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? I haven't found time (made time) to read for pleasure in a very long time. It's a personal treat I seem only to provide myself when I'm on vacation in Maine. I'm changing that.

I used to spend my commute to and from work listening to books on tape or CD. I have a list in my wallet that must have 200 titles on it (in 8-point type) of the books and authors I've enjoyed over the years. It would frustrate me to find an author I like and get the same title again and again because I'd forget which books I'd listened to. Hence the list.

I started commuting to the office with a coworker a few months ago (and in May, Dave came to work for my company too), so my on-the-road-to-work listening time went away with $3 gas. I miss my time with Sanford, the Pattersons, Grisham, Woods, and friends.

So, I'm back to reading. It means carving "me" time out of the day, which isn't always easy to do. Dave helped me put a book on CD through the computer and into iPod files recently, I got to enjoy it while on the treadmill at the gym. That's always a possibility.

Today is biopsy day. Just can't wait to get this over with, hear the news and move along. Has to be negative, right?

Please share some love and prayers today with Jan's nephew Matthew.

Read More......

Aunt Sis

Dave's Aunt Sis died earlier this evening. It's a moment that had been coming for a while now. She battled cancer over the last two years and did the best she could, but in the end that damn disease got the better of her.

She was a character, and I say that in the nicest of ways. She always seemed to be laughing and joking, and as Dave said just a few minutes ago, "we dug at each other." They were always carrying on about something, making it larger than it really was. But they did it with love for one another and that made it fun to watch the two of them go after each other. She faced some tough times through the years and still always had that smile.

Today is the 4th of July, Independence Day. I think it's rather fitting that today is the day she died. She gained her independence over cancer. Unfortunately it takes her away from the people who love her.

We took in a fire works show tonight in Salem (it was spectacular). I couldn't help but smile as I watched, thinking about Sis. I swear I heard her thundering about her new freedom in some of those explosions. And there was a new color I've never seen before in some of the bursts, a soft sage/seafoam green. It had to be a little of her in that new color. It was a happy color, another message. "I'm OK now, don't fret."

Dave is going to miss his Aunt Sis. And I'm going to miss her too.

Wake 4-8 PM Monday, July 7, 2008
Funeral 10 AM Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Both from:

James H. Delaney & Son Funeral Home
48 Common Street
Walpole, Massachusetts 02081

{end of post}

Read More......

Another milestone

Just took the blow dryer to my head of curls. It's SO DAMN HOT AND HUMID that I can't stand it. PJ and I walked around the lake in Wakefield earlier and the consensus was that I needed (badly) to take a shower.

So now there's a thunderstorm percolating just to the south and it's pretty steamy. There isn't much worse that a wet head of hair when the humidity is off the charts.

I did the only logical thing, I grabbed the blow dryer and had at my hair. First time in, hell, I don't know, almost 9 months? My hair came out in October. Not only did I dry it, I brushed and blew out the curls. So it's straight! But remember, it's humid. It won't last!

Time to shut down and get away from the electrical outlets. I'm a chicken in a thunder storm!

Read More......

Wait, let me think... OK, let's!

So, I had my first post-breast cancer mammogram the other day. Wasn't the most fun I've had in a long time, particularly when the tech said, "Come on back with me, I need to take more images." That's not usually a good sign.

Bottom line (cling peaches), there's a cluster of calcification in my left breast and I'm having a stereotactic biopsy on July 9. I'm not freaking out about it, there's no sense. Not yet, anyway.

Over the last year I've become much more involved in my own health care (as I hope you are involved in yours). I ask lots of questions and rarely accept remarks and comments without engaging the speaker in an explanatory conversation.

When we went back into the imaging room I stepped up to the tech's work station and monitor and asked. "So, what are you looking at?" She pointed out the area of interest--a single bright white spot and a small cluster of tiny white dots. She said she wasn't sure which caught the attention of the radiologist who read the first images and said she was going to reimage each. That done, I waited some more. The tech came back and asked questions about my prior treatment (dates and numbers of chemo and radiation sessions, and the name of the drug I'm taking and how long I've been on it).

I saw my surgeon that same day, who seemed almost apologetic when he told me the radiologist was suggesting a biopsy. Did I mind, he asked? Was I sure I didn't mind?

What the $#@&? Do I mind? OF COURSE NOT! He says they probably wouldn't be suggesting this action but for my prior history. Which leads me to wonder--is this going to be the standard for the rest of my life? Biopsy after biopsy chasing possibilities?

If you believe the medical professionals (and I'm leaning that way), I should be good for about five years. Between the chemo and the drugs there should be little chance of a recurrence or new episode. But that's a "should be," not a guarantee.

I know I have options, but frankly, it's all too much to think about right now. Nothing is going to change in the next few weeks. I'll have the biopsy on July 9, get results in a few days, and follow up with the surgeon on the 30th. At that time we'll make decisions (if there are any to be made) or accept congratulations on a clean slate (albeit temporary??) make a date for another routine follow up in six months.

I prefer the later.

Got a spare prayer? Please remember Ted's friend Christian.

{end of post}

Read More......

Closing out the L-O-N-G weekend

It's only mid-day on Sunday but I'm already ready to call it a day and go to bed. It's been a busy few days:

Friday: IKEA tour with MVM. Only spent $21 (as Dave says, it wasn't worth the gas to go). But it was. I saw lots of things I want, a number of things I need, and am loaded with ideas for better storage of all the "stuff" we hold near and dear to our hearts.


Saturday: Cookout at my friend Steve's house in Windham. Nice time. Back in the company of some other former Eagle-Tribune writers and editors (Chris, Paul, Melissa, and of course Steve). We took the opportunity to grumble, bitch, and bad-mouth the place, and it occurs to me that one of the good things about my time there was, without a doubt, the friendships I made with some truly good people, these four among the best.

Saturday night: We've been counting down to the final episode of "The Sopranos," catching the final season series on cable (A&E). We don't have HBO and watched previous seasons on DVD from the video store. Unable to wait any longer, we rented the final five episodes and watched them all last night. It was a long night on the couch but wow, what a final--to see the way it all came together to the moment the screen went black. It was a bold finale.

Sunday: Breakfast with MVM, my bother Ted, sister-in-law Cindy and favorite nephew Ted. To be clear and fair, I also have a favorite nephew Tom.

Now I have to pay for all that time off last week. There's work to be done for the office and I have to start prepping for the July 17-19 Friendship Sloop regatta in Rockland, Maine. Short work week next week (July 4 holiday), short week the following week (read today's 11:20 a.m. post), short week the next (a few days in Maine for the races).

Then it will be almost-August. Time is flying, isn't it?

{end of post}

Read More......

L-o-n-g Weekend

It's Friday and I'm not at the office, how cool is that? I took a "V" day to go play at IKEA with my mother (MVM). She gave me a gift card to IKEA for Christmas and it's burning a hole in my wallet. Besides, it's always good to spend a day with MVM.

PJ is off the the Farm for the weekend, so MVM is coming to see us, go shopping, enjoy a Dave-burger on the grill (please??) and do a cookout tomorrow with my friend Steve.

Steve owns a couple of newspapers ("Whips' Wheels" and "Methuen Life") and on occasion asks me to write a story. I just finished a piece on the new owner of "The Ship" restaurant in Lynnfield; it's good fun to get my name on an occasional byline. I really do miss my newspaper days.

So, like, OK, gotta go start the day for real. Be good!

Read More......

My new toy

Got myself a new phone last night, the Verizon Palm, a phone with a Palm organizer and camera. Now I can keep track of where I need to be, call you if I'm going to be late, and if necessary, take and send you a photo of the reason I am delayed.

What did we do before we had all this funky technology to keep us on track?

{end of post}

Read More......