I am in SUCH a crabby mood today. Sat down and had a good cry--I'm just SO TIRED of being on the BC bus.
I can't wait for it to all be over. I'm tired of being cheerful and positive, tired of talking about it, tired of having to deal with it (which I do each and every time I look in the mirror--I miss my hair and eyelashes). I'm tired of daily radiation appointments. I want to plan stuff and not have to worry about doctor appointments and treatments.
I think I'm getting very antsy about my Jan. 22 appointment with the oncologist, to talk, I assume, about the next step (drug therapy). I hope she has good things to tell me. But what if she doesn't?
It's the waiting that's so hard. All I've done for the last seven months is wait for the next appointment, the next treatment, the next step in the process. I want to start waiting for good things. I want to stop existing and start living again.
I just want to get off this ride.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Pull the cord and alert the driver, I want to get off the bus
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3 comments:
See that light at the end of the tunnel? That's where your ride is taking you.
Some people don't even have a light.
Now start planning your rose garden theme, you have some smelling to do....OMG...in Aruba.
Love, J
My friend Joe can't seem to get to leave comments, so we wrote from his e-mail to mine. Here is what he had to say:
Read yer blog a few min's ago. C'mon now. For the past few week's you've been solid as a rock. Too many people are watching-hoping for you so you don't want to get caught with yer pants down.
I do realize it is easy for me to try and coach; having not been through what yer going through, but do remember we've ALL had some sort of trying--TESTING times. Faith would be one way to see it thru; but in the end ya know where she went. Yes, yer alone in this fight; you and the "C" word. But you got one hell of a cheering section.
Take the time to wind down; breathe or just dream of nothing. Break a burned out light bulb in a paper bag. Kick the snow man you built. Better yet, have a beer with him. He'll listen. I'll listen too. Anytime.
Joe
Penny,
May the New Year bring you the strength to see this through, remembering that sometimes all that means is being able to put one foot in front of the other.
Happy New Year amazing lady. You are on the home stretch.
xo,
Chris
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