My Breast Cancer Chronicle

Sunday, July 27, 2008

We're out of vodka

How the hell did that happen?

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It's been a pretty terrific day.

Started off with coffee with my mother here at Chez Leland Road (she spent the night so she could celebrate Brother Ted's 50th locally).

I served as worship leader this morning at church. Sermon summary in 25 words: There is something nice, good, or beautiful in all of my daily chores and challenges, I just have to look for it. And I will.

Saw my phone friend Eunice. She's healthy, and that's what's important. We made a promise that when we're done with our various medical tests and such, we're going to go out and celebrate with a glass of wine. Or a martini.

Got a call from Cousin Peter, who was sharing a book with his wife Laura at a Hartford CT-area coffee shop. I asked the title. "What to Expect When You Are Expecting," he replied. I cried.

Drove up to Seabrook and spent a couple of hours at the beach with Aunt and Uncle Nancy and Mike Thornton and half of their children (Kathy and Dan), half of their children-in-law (Krista and Mary Litton), one S.O. (Phil) , and 7 of 9 grandchildren (Lauren, Connor, Ben, Dan, Owen, Jack, and Lizzie). it was good fun, as it always is when we are together.

Came home to find that Dave mowed the lawn. I love that smell! Now it's my job to get out there and have at the weeds.

But it's raining. Again. Thunder and lightning. Can't weed in the rain, right? I'll have a drink instead and toast all the wonderfulness that was today.

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Saturday, July 26, 2008

Finding my voice

The phone rang. Someone asked me to do something and I said "No." She persisted, I said "No" again, and she kept at it. I said "No" a third time and politely hung up on her.

I am SO proud of myself on a number of levels. For going with my first instinct, which was to say "No." For sticking with it and not giving in. I'm prone to giving in, or rather, for saying "Yes" when I really don't want to.

So here's the story.

A woman called from the American Cancer Society and asked me to take part in the "Notes to Neighbors" campaign. The ACS provides you with names and address of 20 of your neighbors. They give you all the literature, the "please donate" letters, 20 mailing envelopes and 20 more envelopes that you address back to yourself (so the neighbors can mail you their donations).

You sign the letters, address the large envelopes, put your address on the smaller ones, put stamps on all 40 envelopes, mail the 20 packages, sit back and wait for the donations to come in, and mail those to the ACS.

Pretty simple. A small investment (40 stamps times what is it these days... 41 or 42 cents each, plus a few more to mail in the donations, and a little time).

So, why did I say "No" you ask? BECAUSE I JUST DID IT A FEW MONTHS AGO.

Back to the phone call.

She asked me to participate. I said some like "Gee, didn't I just do this?" She agreed that I did and said the ACS does this twice a year. I told her no, I didn't want to ask the neighbors again quite so soon and offered to do it in six months.

She pushed on through her script and told me that it's an important effort and that they really need my help. I said I was sorry, but I can't help at the time.

She turned to the page in her script that tells her what to say when she'd been told "No" twice."

"Mrs. Richards, the American Cancer Society depends on volunteers like yourself to..." And I cut her off.

I responded.

"I know the American Cancer Society depends on volunteers like me. You depend on cancer patients like me. Within weeks of my diagnosis you were contacting me to volunteer and make donations and you haven't stopped asking. I explained that I will not ask my neighbors again, so soon, to make another donation. We are all asked to donate to causes constantly. I cannot help you at this time. Thanks so much for calling." And I hung up the phone.

And I felt really good about the way I handled it. I didn't want to do it, for reasons that are important to me, and I said "no" and hung in there.

Now, if the way I handled the request bothers you, you have a couple of options. You can take your checkbook or your credit card and make a donation to the ACS. You can call them and become a "Notes to Neighbors" volunteer.

I try to make it a practice not to ask other people to donate to a cause. I respect your causes and support your right to support them. I can't give to every one of everyones' special causes, and for that very reason, I don't push mine on them.

Everyone has a hand out. There are endless requests for money and I don't have enough to do all the things I'd like do. When it comes to breast cancer alone, there are plenty of opportunities to help, whether it's the Susan G. Koman Foundation, Relay for Life events, three-day walks, and more pink ribbons on more products from grapefruit to cereal to soda.

There's an ad in this week's TIME magazine. The LEE Jeans company wants us all to wear jeans on October 3 and donate $5 to "help someone you love fight breast cancer." Check out their sight at deminday.com , but only if you wish. I'm not asking you to participate. (Click the link if only to learn how to fold a dollar bill into the shape of a heart. It's kinda cool.)

It's all about choices. You have yours and I have mine. When they match, it's nice. When they don't, it's about respecting our differences.

P.S. There is not doubt that I benefited from a dollar bill collected by a volunteer somewhere back in time. I'm not ungrateful for all that I've received and been given. And I will continue to help and "pay it forward" in my own way.

{End of post}

Fine!

That's what Mike Lowell is getting ready to say in this photo.

"Fine!"

Perhaps the Nice Umpire invited Mike out for a beer after the game. Or asked after Mike's wife and family.

Actually, the Nice Umpire has just invited Mike to leave the game after he (the Nice Umpire) made a bad call on a questionable third strike. So Mike was probably saying, "Fine! I'll take you up on that beer. I'll go shower, get changed, and warm up the car so we can get out of the parking lot before the crowd!"

Whatever. I like Mike, and whatever he had to say, it's fine with me.
{End of post. FINE!}

Happy Birthday, Ted

Today is my baby brother Ted's 50th birthday. Which means, among things, that I am over 50. Actually it drives home, quite forcefully, that I'm over 50.

Whatever.

Enjoy, Ted. Have a wonderful birthday.

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Back to reality

As usual, all good things must come to an end, and so does my brief get-away to the farm in Maine. It was a fairly splendid trip all around: good friends, good food (including lobster and blueberry ale), a few trinkets from Mexicali Blues, and the opportunity to read a couple of Elmore Leonard novels on the porch. Good stuff to be sure.

There were a couple of incidents worthy of note:

I was offered the senior citizen discount at a Chinese food buffet. I declined and paid full price.
I got bagged for jaywalking in the hamlet of Damariscotta. The nice policeman let me off with a verbal but stern warning never to do it again.
I christened the new stove at the farm by melting a plastic colander in the oven.

And tomorrow I get to go back to work where I'm sure there are fire smoldering that will ruin Tuesday.

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Outta here

Going to Maine this morning... the farm... Friendship Sloop Society's annual regatta and homecoming in Rockland.

Don't have any fun without me. Don't get into the car with anyone who has been drinking. Feed the cat.

See ya next week!

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Monday, July 14, 2008

This is what I did yesterday afternoon

Holloran Country Club, Pool, and Spa. It was wicked good.

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

Breakfast with the Sistas

Had breakfast this morning (a three-hour affair) with Tanya and Debbie, my Breast Cancer Sistas. It's a once-every-couple-of-months event that always feels good, from the anticipation of spending time with two wonderful people to actually being together.

Time seems to stand still when we sit down over two coffees, one tea, scrambled eggs, a cheese omelet, and a pair over easy with pancakes (I think we each order the same thing every time!)

It's so easy to talk and share what's in my heart and head to these two remarkable women. They've been where I've been--shared the wonders, the what-if worries, been afraid and brave, intimidated and confident, and most of all, been good friends through a process that at times seemed impossible to comprehend.

Through every conversation they offered me nothing but encouragement and support. They always validate my concerns, never make my fears seem trivial, and I hope that I've always given them the same care and respect.

They are important people in my support network, but I want them for more than their support. I want them in my life for the friendship they give so willingly. When I am with them--even though we share a common bond that each of us would gladly do without--the bond seems distant and unimportant. It's not what defines us. It's just the chance that brought us together.

I wish I had a photo of the three of us to share. Next time, for sure, we'll have that usually grumpy waitress snap a picture.

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