Who can sleep?

It's approaching 3 a.m. and I'm beyond furious to find myself awake. There are a lot of thoughts rattling through my head and none of them will calm down enough to let me sleep.

Between being excited about going to Switzerland and balancing that against growing guilt about going and worrying about what's happening at work, it's wonder I haven't turned into a raving maniac.

Work ran late today, I was there until after 7 p.m. working on a major proposal that was up against a deadline. It's not my project; the coworker on the project had concert tickets for tonight and I offered to stay so she could be on her way. Oddly, she was off to a Bret Michaels concert at the Hampton Beach Casino--the same concert PJ went to tonight. Another reminder of either how old PJ is or how old I am.

I really didn't mind staying because I know that the coworker would do it for me in an instant.

So, it's May 1 (no, wait, now it's May 2) and the department is still without a manager. I told them back in January I didn't want the promotion, and I'm still doing two jobs. Manager candidates have come and gone, the latest one just yesterday. She lives in Rochester, NH, a 1 1/2 hour commute each way. I have not hope it will work out. We have someone who I'm not sure can cut the work, and others who I'm not sure want to be there. My boss isn't going to be around much longer (pregnant with twins) and once she's out of there, it's just going to get worse. Even if they hire yesterday's candidate, there isn't enough time to train her to be ready to step in and be the effective manager we need her to be. I'm going to have to train her, which means more time lost doing my own work.

The pressure is so constant and I just don't want to deal with it any more. I just want to go away and sit in the quiet and not talk to anyone and not have to make any decisions. I want to start doing something and be able to see it through to completion without having to fight fires and solve problems for other people.

Going to Switzerland is something I've been wanting to do for along time. I'm not sure it's going to give me the decompressing get-away my head needs, but at least it's out of the office, out of town, the county, the state, the country, off the continent and into a new hemisphere that assures that the office won't be able to find me.

I haven't left yet and I'm already worried about what I'm going to be hit with then I return. Isn't that encouraging? Try sleeping on that. I was an idiot to have a drink when I got home tonight. I should have opted for a sleeping pill.