Maple syrup and prepositions

I was going to blog about poor grammar and bad sentence construction but I'm holding back because I don't want to come across as a snob. I'm the one who hollers at the radio and television at the mis-use of the English language for the alleged sake of breaking news. I cringe at the "12 items or less" signs at the supermarket and big box stores. I detest the apparent delight people take in writing sentences that would make better paragraphs.

Gawd, you'd think I think I'm perfect.

(This time there really is more to read. Go on, click through!)

This all started to fester yesterday when Dave and I took in the breakfast buffet at the Sheraton Colonial in Lynnfield. I walked through the buffet line behind a woman who looked familiar. It look me a few moments to realize it was Nancy Kerrigan, the former Olymnpic skating champion, famous for her knee's run in with Tonya Harding's henchman, and Kerrigan's pathetic "WWWWWhhhhhyyyyyy?" bellows, which were made famous (infamous) on an ESPN's readers' list of the worst sports scandals (#7).

{Ah, hello! talk about a run-on sentence...}

Anyway, there I was, not giving an inch to the argument she presented that the maple syrup (in the middle of the buffet line) should be NEXT TO the French toast (which was at the end of the buffet line). Dear me, I thought, if that's worth picking a squabble over, what must she be like if the kids don't pick up their socks?

I couldn't resist hitting the Internet when I got home. I had questions that demanded answers (such as, wasn't her husband married to someone else when they started dating? No, apparently. Apparently.) I toured her Web site and concluded that she really, really needs to hire me to rewrite the content. Really. His site too, for that matter.

So, that's it. My little rant about the sad state of the English language. Please remember that prepositions are words you shouldn't end sentences with. The punctuations goes inside the quotation mark. (Example: "I wouldn't kid you about that," she said.) Re-read your sentences. If you have to stop and take a breath before you get to the end of one, it's too damn long. Employ some punctuation.

And for God's sake, use your directional signal when you change lanes.