Back on the prayer list

My friend Gail (not my Gail of "...and Chuck" fame, my other Gail) needs to go back on your prayer list.

Apparently her brain cancer is making an unwanted return. Her current course of treatment is not working and it appears that a small nodule left from her original surgery is growing. Her Boston doctors offered a treatment plan, which was endorsed by Duke Medical. She and her family explored more options and have opted for surgery at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles this coming week, to be followed by possible participation in a clinical trial fora new cancer vaccine.

Please save a prayer for Gail and her family. Wouldn't it be amazingly wonderful if there really is a vaccine??

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Hello Amy!

Hello Amy,

I saw your Aunt Laura this evening (she's my husband's nutrition counselor). She said you and your mother have been reading this blog. I hope you've found an entry or two that make you laugh, give you some insight, or maybe just reinforced for you that the way you're feeling or the things you're thinking about are usual and customary for someone who is fighting the fight.

Amy, I hope you'll call me if you ever want to talk. I don't have mystical insight, I don't know the answers to all of the questions. I just know what it's like to be where you are right now.

The most important thing I learned on my journey was that the hard part of my journey came to an end. There was a very real moment in time when I stopped sliding down and started climbing again. And on the days when you feel low and sad and as unhappy as you can imagine you could ever be, I hope that in some small place in your heart you know that you'll start climbing again.

The fatigue will easy. Your hair will grow back. The aches in your bones will disappear. Until that day comes there are some things you need to do.

Nap when you are tired. Ponder when your mind needs to be busy. Take yourself for a walk when you have the energy. Find someone to listen when you need to talk. Find someone who will sit with you and be silent when you need quiet company. Insist on being left alone when you need solitude. Cry if you need to. It's OK.

Refuse to spend time with people who give you nothing but negative energy. Tell them to take their war stories and go away. Tell them you don't have the time, energy, or interest. People like that aren't really your friends.

Most important is to laugh when you can. Take notes (start a blog!) so you can remember these days and these feelings. Believe me, you won't remember the little things when the calendar puts enough time between today and months down the road.

I started my blog because I didn't want to forget any of the feelings. I want to be able to go back and read the entries. They remind me about how far I've come and they make me understand how uniquely personal this thing really is.

Cancer doesn't define me, Amy. It's not what I am. It's part of my past, just a part, and it's not what you are. You are Amy first, wonderful and stronger than something that's just that... something. It's not what makes you Amy.

So, give me a call if you ever want to talk.

Always remember, you're beautiful.

Penny

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Palm Sunday

As my brother so aptly announced this morning on Facebook, "Hosanna!" To which I replied, "In the Highest!"

Palm Sunday, the day that celebrates Jesus' arrived in Jerusalem in the week before his death. Holy Week... Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter. Today commemorates the spreading of palms and clothing in Jesus' path as He entered Jerusalem prior to His crucifixion.

I'm not much of a church goer. I have my own version of faith in my head and in my heart. I'm comfortable with what I feel, what moves me, and what keeps me going. I love the Easter season, the message and the music, and the feeling of hope it gives me.

My father quoted a bible verse when I tested his answers to questions I'd ask. It was always a simple exchange. I'd ask when the rain would stop, or whether he thought the Red Sox would beat the Yankees. Whatever... it never anything life threatening. He'd answer, and I'd ask "Really?" or "Are you sure?" And he would reply, "If it were not so I would have told you."

That expression comes from Jesus, during the Last Supper, telling his disciples that he was going before them to prepare a place for them in Heaven. "In my father's house there are many rooms. If it were not so I would have told you." (There are many variations, depends on which version of The Bible you read, but you get the idea.)

From the religious point of view, this is my favorite time of the year. Charlton Heston (who shares my birthday...) stars in the classic "The Ten Commandments," and it will be on television sometime this week. It's a fabulous (if not long) movie... he bickers with Yul Brenner (the nasty Rameses II), denies Ann Baxter (as that trashy Egyptian princess Nefertiri), parts the waters, delivers God's rules, and looks amazing strutting around in chains.

Enjoy Holy Week, in whatever fashion it moves you. Maybe it's just another string of days linked by weekends. Maybe you'll spend time in thought or prayer.

I will spend a little time in wonder about whether my father's new dwelling place really has many rooms and if in fact he has gone ahead to prepare one for me. He didn't say as much before he left, but I'm going to hedge that he did. Indeed.

After all, if it were not so, he'd have told me.

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Mary Poppins

That's me, "practically perfect in every way."

Saw four docs in four days and got checked out top to bottom (and everyplace in between). All of the numbers are great (blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose, you name it, we checked it all), and the cancer marker in my blood is the lowest it's ever been. Things are just dandy.

The only thing left to do is have a colonoscopy, and that's scheduled for May 1. More on that another time.

In keeping with the Mary Poppins theme, I leave you with Dick Van Dyke and the Dancing Penguins. Go ahead, it's only five minutes...

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