Two Years... Fifteen Years

It was two years ago today that I got my breast cancer diagnosis. My, time goes so quickly when you are busy living it.

If I had to go back, I wouldn't do anything differently and that's a really good feeling—believing I did everything I could have done and did it right. Only the passing of more time will tell for sure.

And today is Father's Day! It was 15 years ago today my Dad had his last Father's Day. I hope he knew I offered heartfelt wishes and all my love on that day. And every day.

Share some Father's Day love today with someone special.

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I got great news today

It’s been a while since we walked down Breast Cancer Lane, but hell, let’s head that way now.

I got great, great news today. I underwent testing three weeks ago to see if I carry a gene mutation for hereditary breast and ovarian cancer.

I do not carry the gene. Most importantly—my daughter doesn’t have it.

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If you’ve following breast cancer news, you may have heard of the BRACA1 and BRACA2 genes. These gene mutations significantly raise your chances of developing breast and/or ovarian cancer. The routine “fix” for a positive test it to have a double mastectomy and ovaries removed. In other words, get rid of those places where cancer might develop.

Dramatic, eh??

With the history of breast cancer in my family (my maternal aunt and maternal grandmother), my doctors and PJ’s doctors have urged that I get tested. If I came back positive, she would be tested.

Since I came back negative, she doesn’t need to worry about it. She continues to have slightly elevated chance of developing breast cancer (somewhere in an early blog entry I mentioned her “chances.”) because I had it, but her chances are significantly lower than they’d be if she tested positive.

If I’d been positive, I probably would have waited until the breast cancer returned (if it returned…) and then had surgery. But young women who have the bad gene generally get on with having babies and then have the surgeries.

If I’d been positive, there’s a chance PJ might come back negative. It’s nicer knowing she doesn’t have to

I’m grateful that we don’t have to think about this, particularly for PJ. It would be a terrible burden to carry until she was ready to take action. And she’d wonder if she’d pass it along to her children.

All along this interesting sally I have said that I’m lucky. Lucky to have found it early enough, before it had a chance to do serious harm. Lucky to have rebounded. Lucky to have such a wonderful network of family and friends. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

Lucky again today. What great news!

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Happy Mother's Day

My baby and me. We walked the lake in Wakefield, went out for iced coffee, did a WalMart run, and it was all very wonderful.

It doesn't get much better than this!

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Back on the prayer list

My friend Gail (not my Gail of "...and Chuck" fame, my other Gail) needs to go back on your prayer list.

Apparently her brain cancer is making an unwanted return. Her current course of treatment is not working and it appears that a small nodule left from her original surgery is growing. Her Boston doctors offered a treatment plan, which was endorsed by Duke Medical. She and her family explored more options and have opted for surgery at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles this coming week, to be followed by possible participation in a clinical trial fora new cancer vaccine.

Please save a prayer for Gail and her family. Wouldn't it be amazingly wonderful if there really is a vaccine??

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Hello Amy!

Hello Amy,

I saw your Aunt Laura this evening (she's my husband's nutrition counselor). She said you and your mother have been reading this blog. I hope you've found an entry or two that make you laugh, give you some insight, or maybe just reinforced for you that the way you're feeling or the things you're thinking about are usual and customary for someone who is fighting the fight.

Amy, I hope you'll call me if you ever want to talk. I don't have mystical insight, I don't know the answers to all of the questions. I just know what it's like to be where you are right now.

The most important thing I learned on my journey was that the hard part of my journey came to an end. There was a very real moment in time when I stopped sliding down and started climbing again. And on the days when you feel low and sad and as unhappy as you can imagine you could ever be, I hope that in some small place in your heart you know that you'll start climbing again.

The fatigue will easy. Your hair will grow back. The aches in your bones will disappear. Until that day comes there are some things you need to do.

Nap when you are tired. Ponder when your mind needs to be busy. Take yourself for a walk when you have the energy. Find someone to listen when you need to talk. Find someone who will sit with you and be silent when you need quiet company. Insist on being left alone when you need solitude. Cry if you need to. It's OK.

Refuse to spend time with people who give you nothing but negative energy. Tell them to take their war stories and go away. Tell them you don't have the time, energy, or interest. People like that aren't really your friends.

Most important is to laugh when you can. Take notes (start a blog!) so you can remember these days and these feelings. Believe me, you won't remember the little things when the calendar puts enough time between today and months down the road.

I started my blog because I didn't want to forget any of the feelings. I want to be able to go back and read the entries. They remind me about how far I've come and they make me understand how uniquely personal this thing really is.

Cancer doesn't define me, Amy. It's not what I am. It's part of my past, just a part, and it's not what you are. You are Amy first, wonderful and stronger than something that's just that... something. It's not what makes you Amy.

So, give me a call if you ever want to talk.

Always remember, you're beautiful.

Penny

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Palm Sunday

As my brother so aptly announced this morning on Facebook, "Hosanna!" To which I replied, "In the Highest!"

Palm Sunday, the day that celebrates Jesus' arrived in Jerusalem in the week before his death. Holy Week... Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter. Today commemorates the spreading of palms and clothing in Jesus' path as He entered Jerusalem prior to His crucifixion.

I'm not much of a church goer. I have my own version of faith in my head and in my heart. I'm comfortable with what I feel, what moves me, and what keeps me going. I love the Easter season, the message and the music, and the feeling of hope it gives me.

My father quoted a bible verse when I tested his answers to questions I'd ask. It was always a simple exchange. I'd ask when the rain would stop, or whether he thought the Red Sox would beat the Yankees. Whatever... it never anything life threatening. He'd answer, and I'd ask "Really?" or "Are you sure?" And he would reply, "If it were not so I would have told you."

That expression comes from Jesus, during the Last Supper, telling his disciples that he was going before them to prepare a place for them in Heaven. "In my father's house there are many rooms. If it were not so I would have told you." (There are many variations, depends on which version of The Bible you read, but you get the idea.)

From the religious point of view, this is my favorite time of the year. Charlton Heston (who shares my birthday...) stars in the classic "The Ten Commandments," and it will be on television sometime this week. It's a fabulous (if not long) movie... he bickers with Yul Brenner (the nasty Rameses II), denies Ann Baxter (as that trashy Egyptian princess Nefertiri), parts the waters, delivers God's rules, and looks amazing strutting around in chains.

Enjoy Holy Week, in whatever fashion it moves you. Maybe it's just another string of days linked by weekends. Maybe you'll spend time in thought or prayer.

I will spend a little time in wonder about whether my father's new dwelling place really has many rooms and if in fact he has gone ahead to prepare one for me. He didn't say as much before he left, but I'm going to hedge that he did. Indeed.

After all, if it were not so, he'd have told me.

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Mary Poppins

That's me, "practically perfect in every way."

Saw four docs in four days and got checked out top to bottom (and everyplace in between). All of the numbers are great (blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose, you name it, we checked it all), and the cancer marker in my blood is the lowest it's ever been. Things are just dandy.

The only thing left to do is have a colonoscopy, and that's scheduled for May 1. More on that another time.

In keeping with the Mary Poppins theme, I leave you with Dick Van Dyke and the Dancing Penguins. Go ahead, it's only five minutes...

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Good news, good news, bad news

Good news #1: Saw my radiologist today and I've graduated to the "You Don't Have To Come Back For 12 Months" plan. And my blood pressure was 110 over 60.

Good news #2: It's the first day of spring and the first batch of crocuses have come up in the garden. Time to get out there with the rake and clean the beds of dead leaves.


Bad news: Guess whose car failed Massachusetts inspection? Hello Nassar Ford and new tie rods (whatever those are...) I won't have a car tomorrow, so I'll be raking...

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St. Patrick's Day, Southie style

Everyone is a little Irish on the day of the St Patrick's Day Parade in South Boston. It's a tradition that's been going on for years, attended by hundreds of thousands (no kidding) of people. And this year I was one. The pretty Girl took her momma to a Southie house party... beer pong, jello shots, the works. I had a complete blast, and I can't wait to see if I'm invited back next year!

Here are some pics...

Me and PJ

PJ and and her friend Mike


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The Sisters

I had breakfast with The Sisters this morning. Tanya surprised Debbie and me very special picture of the three of us (photos from our previous breakfast last fall).


We're just a trio of kick-ass breast cancer survivors. I think we all got past it enough to be OK with the word "Survivor". For a while, we all hated it. It's hard to explain why. If you've been there, perhaps you know. Cancer overtakes you and makes a place in every aspect of your life. It is how you are identified. It is what everyone thinks of first when they think of you. It is the subject that begins every conversation. Or so it seems. You have to remind people that there is more to you than that battle. It's part of what you are, not everything.

You need to get past it, away from it. Then you can look back at it and be a little more OK with where you've been. At least that's how it was for me. It's good to be just me again.

Look as us. It wouldn't DARE come back.

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