Saturday morning musings

So, I've got this absolutely miserable cold, my sinuses are clogged beyond recognition and my chest is layered with what feels like cement. In short, it's not fun, but I'm not complaining because--it's better than having chemotherapy!

I miss reading a daily newspaper by hand. I scan the headlines of four or five major newspapers each day online, but there's nothing like sitting down with the paper, going through it page by page, and--best of all--having to get up when you're done and wash the ink off your hands. I am my father's child.

I got a very nice surprise yesterday. My company was sold earlier this week (it's all good, from one financial holding company to another, nothing changes that I will see). Part of the sale included offering bonuses to employees whose term of service meets certain criteria. I'm spending part of my bonus on a plane ticket to Switzerland. My friend Laura moved there a few years ago to be with her beloved Monica, and they've extended countless invitations for me to come and visit. The timing was never right.

If I learned only one lesson from my breast cancer experience, it's that the timing is rarely right for whatever it is that you need or want to do. My advice isn't that you develop a frivolous attitude, but that you take advantage of opportunities that present themselves or take steps to make opportunities happen. Sometimes you need to be brave and have enough confidence in yourself to take a chance. It may be something as simple as telling someone that you love them, or thanking someone for their kindness. Don't be sorry you didn't make an effort.

So, I'm ticket shopping. I'm not bound to specific dates--I'm hoping for sometime in April or May. I'll keep you posted!

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An exciting milestone

Today is the day I get to set aside my "Tom's of Maine Unscented, All-Natural" deodorant stick and embrace my dear friend, "Degree Shower Clean Anti-Perspirant and Deodorant" (invisible solid and body responsive, no less!). Yea, I'm back to applying chemicals to my body.

That's applying chemicals both inside and out. Today is also the day I start taking the drug therapy Aromasin.

Funny thing is, that for as much as a whined and crabbed about it, the "Tom's" served me well (at least no one gave me negative feedback). Maybe I'll stick with Tom.

As to the drugs, I may wait a day or two. I've got the nasty-ass flu bug that's been driving through my office. Don't let me kiss you.

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My weekend hours in front of the tube

I spent the better part of today absolutely spellbound by several episodes of the HBO mini-series “Band of Brothers,” which played this weekend on The History Channel. If you’ve never seen it, I can’t urge strongly enough that you search it out. Rent it if you have to.

It’s the 10-part Tom Hanks-Steven Spielberg series about “E” Company of the 506th infantry regiment of the 101st Airborne Division, from their days in basic training to Normandy and beyond until the end of World War II. As I watched I thought of men I’ve met who fought in World War II, like Leo Grillo and Ernie Doucette, and how they, years younger than my daughter is now, fought to liberate Europe.
I wrote a 13-part series about World War II veterans back in my days as a reporter with the Eagle Tribune (in fact it won a New England Press Association award in 2000 for history reporting). I was so proud of that series because of the amazing people that writing it allowed me to have the honor to meet. I learned more from the 12 men and one woman I interviewed than I even learned in a history class or from reading a book.
In many cases, they had not told their personal stories to their families. Again and again, as we talked about their experiences, family members present during the interview said things like, "You never told me that," or, "I had no idea..."
Are you lucky enough to know someone who served during World War II (or another war or conflict)? Ask about their service. Plan a trip to Washington D.C. and visit the World War II memorial. It will take your breath away and there's no doubt you'll meet someone there who served.
OK, off the soap box. But seriously, when you can, thank a veteran. And rent "Band of Brothers."

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This working for a living is tough stuff

At 5 p.m. today I completed my first 40-hour work weeks since sometime in early September of last year. While I can't say it was any fun having chemo or radiation (which was better than chemo, if you have to have some form of treatment), what WAS fun was not working but getting paid for 40 hours.

For the six weeks I was in radiation, I got used to buzzing out of the office each day at 2:30 and being home between 4:30 and 5:00 and in plenty of time to make dinner (or pretend to). I managed the full-time paycheck throughout my treatments because I'd accumulated a lot of vacation time and burned through that rather than take the pay "cut." Not the best way to spend vacation time, but another reason to look at the entire experience and consider myself lucky.

Life continues to return to a more normal pattern, and that's a good thing. We're still contemplating a real vacation and trying to decide where we'd like to go. Of course, as soon as the weather is right, the front porch at the farm will be calling my name.

Today I presented with the opportunity to travel for the company, to Las Vegas in late April for a conference. It's one of those places that I'll be happy to go to again. Dave and I were there in 2005 (again for a work conference) and had a great time. Can't beat such a trip when the company pays for my meals, my airline ticket, and the hotel room.

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Wicked huge hair moment

Hey--take a look at the photo! That's a barrette in MY HAIR! Isn't that absolutely exciting as hell?


Soon enough there will be enough to braid!

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My amazing daughter

The phone rang a little while ago--it was PJ calling from the road (she's out this evening with friends). She and I spent the afternoon prowling the mall in search of bargains and essentials. She called to tell me how happy she was to have spent the afternoon with me this way.

"I feel like I have my mom back," she told me.

That right there is why I did all that fighting.

"I would have told you before I went out but you were sitting with your girlfriend, having a drink, and chatting away. I didn't want to interrupt." How could anything she has to say to me ever be an interruption? She just amazes me and she makes me feel so special and so loved.

My friend Tanya visited tonight (that's the friend PJ referred to in her call). Tanya and I had a great evening, talking about our respective battles and our next steps (drugs, follow-ups appointments and such). She's been invited to take part in a multi-year study of breast cancer in younger women (she's only 35...) and I'm proud that she's going to give of herself to help others in this way.

What a great day.

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"Lost"

I just did the "Which 'Lost' character are you?" quiz.

Which Lost Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Now, I've never seen the program so I can't really comment. But I find it interesting that my answers match me a character, and my description includes "You may be bald." HA!!!

Click here to go take the quiz (or one of a number of others).

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The first day of the rest of my life

That's what today felt like, a fresh new day. We say things like this all the time, whether we talk about a blank slate, a new beginning, a new chapter, a fresh start--I've done it myself countless times. But this was really the first time it more than "sounded" true, it "felt" true.

I don't want to be overly dramatic, and I hate throwing down the "I had cancer" card (it seems like I'm taking a cheap shot). But something happened over night. I feel transformed and somehow new. It's hard to explain. I'm sure there are some of you out there who understand what I mean and know the feeling. It feels really good.

So, there are new things to think about. Politics, perhaps? Massachusetts' presidential primary is Tuesday (part of the "Super Tuesday" vote). It will be a long night, to be sure.

My mother lives in Maine and they'll hold the Republican caucus votes on Saturday. Here's an interesting twist--it doesn't matter who she votes vote, or the final outcome of each local caucus vote. The real reason for the caucuses seems to be to elect delegates to the state convention (to be held in May). At the convention, delegates can vote however they want to---they do NOT have to vote according to the results of the caucus. My mother's vote on Saturday doesn't count.

For example, if the local caucus supports John McCain, the delegate is free to go to the convention and vote for Mitt Romney. Can someone make this make sense?

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I'm done!

Radiation is over! Cheers all around! It was hard to go today, knowing it was the last time and saying goodbye to the people who have helped save my life. I'm convinced that's what they've done and I'll never forget the gift they gave me.

So, now what? What's next? Hopefully nothing remarkable. Take the drugs, keep all the follow up appointments and head off to a lot healthy tomorrows.

I started this as a way to communicate to family and friends what was happening and, over time, it took on a life all its own. It's time to publish this blog and get it into the hands of people who can use the information to understand what will happen/is happening to them or a loved one.

I’ve already lined up a self-publishing arrangement and given prior posts to a copy editor. With luck I’ll have this out the door and to the publisher by the end of February. If it sells, I'll write a nice check to the Winchester Hospital Breast Center.

Stay tuned. Just because breast cancer is no longer front and center in my life doesn't mean I'll stop writing.

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Day 31

Just two treatments left! I can't believe that this is really almost behind me. To paraphrase something my friend Tanya said when she wrapped up her treatments, "This is a membership I don't care to renew."

I'm filling my calendar with doc appointments (follow ups with the radiologist in 4 weeks and with the oncologist and the surgeon in 8 weeks). I just filled my prescription for Aromasin, an estrogen-blocking drug (estrogen encourages the development of breast cancer). I start that two weeks after the last radiation treatment and will take it for the next five years (groan).

I feel pretty good. Can't complain too much about being tired (which is a very common complaint by radiation patients). I'm tired, but it's more of an insomniac kind of tired. If I have a complaint, it's being scatter-brained. I'm having trouble focusing these last few days. I think it's a combination of things, primarily tension at work. But that's always been an issue and I think it always will be. I'll solve it the day I walk away.

I'm stepping out of my life for a while and going to Maine in the morning. My mini-vacation is disguised around the winter meeting of the Friendship Sloop Society's executive committee, of which I are the membership chairman (I know there's a typo, should be "am," but I'm drifting into mini-vacation mode and will allow it to stand.)

So, I'll catch up with you in a couple of days. Don't have any fun without me.

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